Unfortunately...

I have decided recently that "Unfortunately" is the most condescending, smarmy corporate word there is. It's the absolute WORST thing you can say in customer service. "Unfortunately, I am not allowed to do that..." It's the same as saying "Due to YOUR misfortune..." UGH!!!

Anyway, I was recently sent an email about this and it's hilarious. Put "Unfortunately [your first name]" in Google and check out the hilarious results. These were some of my favorites:


"Unfortunately, Aaron was truly devastated when Alison finally confessed thatshe'd lied--Chris was the baby's father, not him."

"Unfortunately, Aaron's dilemma is exacerbated by its position in a film thatbecomes increasingly incoherent."

"Unfortunately, Aaron walks in on them making out on the couch."

"Unfortunately Aaron did not know the area well, and we wandered around for about an hour."

"Unfortunately, Aaron’s cyberware consisted of a cyber eye, a cyber leg and aPacesetter 2000 heart."

"Unfortunately, Aaron’s juvenile records have been sealed."

"Unfortunately Aaron of In League with Satan and Clint of Short Fuse records are both abroad right now."

"Unfortunately, Aaron did NOT learn anything from 9/11."

"Unfortunately Aaron, yes, some people truly are that stupid."

"Unfortunately, Aaron's time at recess is spent a little differently than that of his friends."

AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE:

"Unfortunately Aaron and the boys we went with also accidentally partook in the delicacy of cock testicles, MMMMHMMMM!"