48 DAYS part 2: The Phone, The Friends & The End

Sarabellem: So, what happened, man? Why didn’t you stay in this situation? What came to a head?

Shakycam: Okay. He was from Indianapolis, or he had been staying there for a little while. He was really good friends with this girl named Kim. He had mentioned early on that she was coming to town and would I mind if she crashed with us for awhile so the two of them could look for a place together. They had been friends forever, blah blah blah. I was fine with it.

SB: I could see you being fine with her staying, but what was it like when you found out he’d be moving out?

SC: We actually talked at one point about me moving out with them.

SB: Oh really?

SC: Yeah. So it wasn’t a finality at all. Anyway, she ended up coming to stay. She seemed okay to me.

SB: What did she look like?

SC: She was about my height, brown hair, glasses kinda nerdy looking. She had a cat with her named KC, an awesome Siamese cats. One of the coolest cats I’ve ever known. She ended up dropping the cat off with us at first before she came to stay, so we had a good week with him before she showed up. Remember, Trent had this job where he traveled around a lot. There was a trip coming up where he was going to Chicago and I had mentioned how much I loved that city. I was trying to work things out with my job so that I could go with him. I’d basically have to be smuggled in this van, but he’d done it with other people. It didn’t end up working out and I was really upset. I ended up being alone with this girl I barely knew for like two or three days. So, in that time I got to know Kim quite a bit more, I trusted her, and I told her way too much.

SB: What do you mean you told her way too much?

SC: I told her exactly how I felt about Trent and the whole situation. I didn’t go all psycho and say “Oh my god!! I want to raise fifty of his children...” or anything but that I really liked him. I just... trusted her way too much. And I didn’t know her that well. Remember, I wasn’t thinking rationally at the time.

SB: Was it maybe because you trusted Trent so much you thought you could trust his closest friend?

SC: Yeah.

SB: Although, I wonder if, do you think that maybe by telling her you were actually telling him?

SC: Coulda been.

SB: It’s just a strange thing to trust someone that fast with such intimate details.

SC: I have a theory about that which I will get to later. Anyway, Trent comes back from Chicago and I had spent this entire time with Kim.

SB: So did you just hang out at the apartment?

SC: No, we went out and did a couple things. Went to eat, went to movies. She was paying for everything all those times, too, because she didn’t officially give me rent money for staying there. So, she was going to make dinner one night and we went to two grocery stores to get all of the ingredients and some basic staples. She paid for all of that. She offered every single time because she knew I would really be helping them out. SO, the day Trent comes back I was supposed to pick him up from his job and take him back to my place. Something happened, that I don’t remember, but it seemed like he was actually getting home earlier than he claimed he was and Kim headed him off with her friend Mr. Clean. Again, the only thing I knew about him was that Trent had been staying with him by Pusher’s and that he was HIV positive.

SB: And so by this time he had been staying with you for 48 days because it was hot out?

SC: That’s how it started but we got along so well that it turned into a thing. So, Kim is friends with this Mr. Clean guy too. I called Trent on his cell phone to let him know I was on my way. He told me not to worry about it, that Kim and Mr. Clean had already picked him up, they were gonna stop at Sally’s to eat and they’d be back after that. So this is day 48. I don’t remember why I called back. I think it may have been a psycho, sick twisted weird moment, but I’m not sure. I called his cell phone back and his pocket answered.

SB: Hence, why all phones should be flip phones.

SC: Yes. So I ended up just sitting there. They were obviously at Sally’s and I could hear them clear as day. That was partly because Trent had a really good cell phone because of his job but also because I think the cell phone was on the table or something. Kim was painting me, with extremely dramatic flair, to be this enormous psycho who was obsessed with him who wanted to marry him as soon as it was possible. It was absolutely outrageous lies. She was also saying that I had FORCED her to pay for everything and she apparently had all of the receipts on her. “Look at these receipts! Look at how much money I’ve spent!” They had her name on them too because she had used her credit card. So this whole time I hear Kim saying stuff, I hear Mr. Clean saying stuff, but I never hear Trent say a word. He’s not responding to anything I don’t know what was going on. One of the things I remember the most clearly was: “Maybe somebody needs to tell him he needs to lose some weight.” Then, Kim said: “It doesn’t fuckin matter. He’s so stupid you could tell him he’s as fat as the Beluga whale and he won’t get it.”

SB: Oh, MAAAANNN!!

SC: The worst part...

SB: It gets worse?

SC: The worst part was when I heard Trent get up and say he’d be right back. I listened to what Mr. Clean and Kim said after he got up. Kim said: “How much do you want to bet you could get him to sleep with you without using anything?” They were damn near planning it at the table and laughing; tricking me into sleeping with someone who is HIV positive because I‘m this big, fat, desperate asshole. That is, to this day, one of the most surreal moments in my entire life. People laughing about my utter destruction. The thing was, after that... Something else was said. I know for a fact that there was something else said that was ten times worse right after that, but I literally cannot remember what it was. It’s like my brain completely shut off and protected me from hearing and comprehending and remembering it. Whatever it was, it was enough to throw me into an utter panic with my heart racing. There wasn’t much else said after that. They left shortly after. The phone cut out with them heading to the car.

SB: So, it doesn’t sound like you heard Trent say much.

SC: No. It was all her and this guy I had never even officially met. Trent didn’t contribute much and I took that to mean he was very upset because he was a very talkative guy. The second I got off the phone, I completely freaked out. I knew they were on their way back and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I called three people. I remember I called Sexy--no answer, I called The Nurse--no answer I called Wicca--no answer. I didn’t know if I should leave, I didn’t know what they were planning to do or how Trent was going to confront me about this supposed news. I was literally terrified.

SB: To my knowledge, before this you hadn’t been a very confrontational person.

SC: No.

SB: So the phone rings...

SC: It’s somebody calling from the lobby and I’m sure it’s them. Turns out it’s Aries, which is absolutely crazy.

SB: Why is it crazy?

SC: Because she had never actually shown up like that before because the parking was wretched there. She always called first because you don‘t just show up at a place like that. She had a cell phone on her, too. It was just wild that she didn’t even call or anything. So, she came up, found me in a really bad state. I explained the whole thing to her and she said: “You need to just leave. Just get some shit together and let’s go.” They showed up right then. I buzzed them up, got some stuff together and was about to leave. Trent was all huffy and weird and wouldn’t look at me wearing sunglasses indoors which I will never forget. The last few moments I spent in his presence he had these fucking sunglasses on. It seemed like he was trying to hide something from me. Sunglasses are rarely there to shade your eyes, in my opinion. He was obviously pissed off at me so god knows what else she fucking told him. So, Aries is still dragging me to the door and I stopped. I turned around and said “Trent, your cell phone.” He picked it up all cocky and says, “It’s right here. Batteries dead.” And I said... Oh god... I used the only power I had at the moment. I said, very calmly: “I know why it’s dead. I heard every word the three of you said at Sally’s and I want you to get your shit and get out right now.” He freaked out. I think the major problem was that I totally blindsided him with this. He thought HE had the right to be pissed at me.

SB: Right. What do you mean he freaked out?

SC: He said: “Ya know. Our friendship is severely waning right now. It would be better if you just leave.” I said: “This is my apartment Trent. What do you mean I have to leave?” He said: “I paid you rent money. In some states that means I have the right to be here.” He stepped toward me threateningly a couple of times, and when I flinched it made him more mad. He said: “It’s not even fucking WORTH IT to hit you.“ Nothing that was actually said at the table ever came up. Kim is hiding in the fucking bathroom this whole time because she knew she was a fucking liar. Mr. Clean is sitting at my dining room table. He said: “God. Why can’t I EVER have a gay male friend?” So this is assuming that he never knew this entire time about my feelings. The last words I said to him were “You can, Trent.“ Aries dragged me out of the apartment and the amnesia thing happened again. I don’t remember going to her car, I don’t remember where she was parked, I don’t remember the ride down in the elevator. Next thing I knew we were at Wicca’s. Aries and Wicca weren’t getting along so she just dropped me off there. I was literally crying and blubbering and incoherent by this time right in front of Wicca, her daughter and Space-girl. Wicca shoved a glass of brandy in my hand and I gulped it down and was instantly calmed. It was bizarre. I very calmly told them the story. This was the night that I think I finally learned the true power of friendship. This was a Saturday night and every one of the friends that I called came through and showed up to support me. The Nurse, The Italian Stallion, Sexy... We ended up going back to my place because at one moment I thought “What if they’re cleaning me out right now? What if they’re loading up a van with all my shit? We called the police, just to usher them along and make sure they were leaving. I didn’t feel safe going up there because Trent had been so threatening so The Nurse and Space-girl went up there to keep an eye on them. From what The Nurse said they were very amiable, they were just packing up their stuff and getting ready to leave. Apparently, Trent had also found something I had written. One time, I wrote--and of course this added fuel to Kim’s fuckin fire--I did a stream-of-consciousness kind of writing one time where I had just laid it all out, every crazy thought that popped into my head to get it all out. He found that, he read it to them, he took it with him actually. The police just kind of ushered them along, but they were leaving anyway.
I remember the last time I actually laid eyes on him I was standing outside my apartment building looking down the hall from the side door and he was in the elevator loaded with bags and still had the sunglasses on. That night a bunch of us went to Sexy’s house and I got very, very drunk with a bunch of caring friends...

EPILOGUE: After the Interview
Looking back, even as little as 6 months later I couldnn’t help but think I may have sabotaged it purposely, in a subconscious kind of way. Part of me knew the very, very dangerous ground I was treading on. I had strong feelings for someone who was very far out of my league and was talking about moving in with him. Ripping the blinders off, Trent was a major alcoholic. He had a spooky Jeckyll and Hyde personality where he was gloomy and boring sober, but the life of the party and the funniest most charming guy when he had alcohol in him. There’s also that moment when he stepped toward me and said that it wasn’t even worth it to hit me. God knows where it could have ended up.

I have killed myself with what-ifs over this situation. I get humiliated all over again thinking about some of the things I said and did. That is ending now. All of it. It’s over, there are regrets, but it was for the best. I would have been inviting a world of heartache in by keeping somebody like Trent in my life in any capacity. A friendship with someone I have very strong feelings for could never work out; I have the war wounds to prove that one.
So, it’s over, it’s done with and it’s on the internet for everyone to see. I also never need to tell this story again which lifts the biggest weight off of me.

The End