Orwellian Double-Speak

Below is an actual, mostly-unedited e-mail conversation I had with my supervisor a few days ago. It is EXACTLY what Orwell was talking about in "1984" when he mentioned Double-Speak. Ny friend The Anamoly said that it is almost as if he pulled out the corporate excuses-when-they-ask-questions-that-make-you-look-stupid book. Did I mention I hate Corporate America? Can you just fucking level with me and talk to me like a human being?

From Me: I don't mean to be a pain, but I just discovered something that makes no sense. As far as back-end collectors, we have always worked either the first Saturday or the fourth Saturday. The fifth Saturdays, when they occur, are divided up at the beginning of the year (The Scrump has a list). Having no late night, due to coverage issues, we are required to work an extra Saturday. At this point I am covering Flamer's late night and my own (which is the first and fourth). What makes absolutely no sense to me is why I am even required to cover Flamer's Saturday when there is clearly no coverage issue.

Here's how it breaks down:

First Saturday: Myself, Catnip, Cynicism, Sirsirsir = 4

Fourth Saturday: Myself, Catnip, Mushmouth, Cutie, Crazy, Tiny, Biceps, Diver and WT = 9 ?!!

Obviously, there is a big disparity here. Why are 9 people required to work on the fourth saturday? I can tell you that on the First Saturdays we rarely get calls and we rarely get people on the phone. That's with four people. There is no void in coverage anywhere. Is it to somehow make up for missing out on a late night? I rarely had success with payments on late nights as well and seriously doubt this will affect my numbers. I'm just trying to understand this. Again, I'm not trying to be a pain, this just makes absolutely no sense to me. To have nine people working one Saturday is ridiculous.

From Him: The amount of coverage is monitored on a regular basis and adjusted when necessary. We appreciate your observation.

From me: So, you're telling me that you believe it is necessary to have 9 people work on the fourth Saturday? The way I understood it, when the new people started, they were just asked which Saturday they would like to work.

From Him: It's necessary to do what's in the best interest of the dept.

From Me: Ok. So you're saying that it's in the best interest of the department for there to be 9 people working on one Saturday, and 4 working on another? My opinion is that the two Saturdays thing is in place just to "punish" people for not working a late night. It seems to serve no other purpose. My idea would be this: Since it is clear that four people are more than adequate enough coverage for a Saturday, why don't we rotate which Saturdays we work? When there were 6 supervisors, the supervisors rotated which Saturdays they worked.

From Him: At this point, it's in the best interest of the dept to have nine collectors working the last Saturday.