Thank You, Constipation

I woke up this morning with bowel issues. I don't want to get graphic about it. Let's just leave it at that. This was around 5AM. I normally get my ass out of bed around 7:00 and barely stumble to my car to be at the park and ride by 7:30. After the aforementioned issues, I tried to get back to sleep. Finally, disgusted, I dragged myself to the kitchen and for the first time in a very long time made coffee for myself and watched a little TV before work. I could feel something happening to me, like a veil lifting. When I closed myself in my bathroom and got in the shower, a remarkable clarity hit me full force. It was like I had been asleep for the last few months and I was finally awake. And I was horrified at the levels of downright self-debasing, self-pitying depression I have allowed to wash over me lately. I am stronger than this. I am better than this. I have been wallowing in my own misery to the point of throwing my hands up with the situation with my shitty job, neglecting friendships, not writing, procrastinating about school, being a hermit and fighting with The BF about stupid things. I even burst into tears, mid-discussion a few nights ago and started mentally sorting out our property, trying to figure out the best way to make an even split; all of that because he admitted to having doubts sometimes about our relationship. I immediately jumped to the THIS MEANS WE ARE BREAKING UP conclusion and started sniveling and picturing how it would happen. Good GOD! This person I have been over the past few months is NOT ME. I even came very close to calling and cussing out a very good friend for a foolish, insensitive comment she made. In my mind, for a few days, our friendship was over. What she had done was UNFORGIVEABLE.

I don't know if it was the coffee or the constipation, but something lit a fire under my ass today. I got off the bus that normally brings me to my work DOORSTEP and walked the last few LOOONG blocks, iPod blasting, with a spring in my step and a smile on my face. Me and Kylie Minogue almost beat the damn bus there. I charged into work full of confidence, shut out all the negative banter and gossip around me, took my hated job by the horns and kicked ASS at it. I did better than I have ever done today (113 checks). Our goal is 100 for the MONTH. I feel like an idiot for sitting around and complaining about it when if I just sat there and DID IT I would be successful.

Mark my words: My lazy ass will be getting up every day from now on for my morning cup of coffee. I think it is the key to my success.