Unfortunately...

I have decided recently that "Unfortunately" is the most condescending, smarmy corporate word there is. It's the absolute WORST thing you can say in customer service. "Unfortunately, I am not allowed to do that..." It's the same as saying "Due to YOUR misfortune..." UGH!!!

Anyway, I was recently sent an email about this and it's hilarious. Put "Unfortunately [your first name]" in Google and check out the hilarious results. These were some of my favorites:


"Unfortunately, Aaron was truly devastated when Alison finally confessed thatshe'd lied--Chris was the baby's father, not him."

"Unfortunately, Aaron's dilemma is exacerbated by its position in a film thatbecomes increasingly incoherent."

"Unfortunately, Aaron walks in on them making out on the couch."

"Unfortunately Aaron did not know the area well, and we wandered around for about an hour."

"Unfortunately, Aaron’s cyberware consisted of a cyber eye, a cyber leg and aPacesetter 2000 heart."

"Unfortunately, Aaron’s juvenile records have been sealed."

"Unfortunately Aaron of In League with Satan and Clint of Short Fuse records are both abroad right now."

"Unfortunately, Aaron did NOT learn anything from 9/11."

"Unfortunately Aaron, yes, some people truly are that stupid."

"Unfortunately, Aaron's time at recess is spent a little differently than that of his friends."

AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE:

"Unfortunately Aaron and the boys we went with also accidentally partook in the delicacy of cock testicles, MMMMHMMMM!"

Brokeback Mountain

I don’t know if I can adequately describe how moved I was by “Brokeback Mountain”. I have tried for days to articulate it, but the words just won’t come. My first coherent reaction after being shell-shocked when I was walking out of the theater into the frigid wind was “It’s about time!”

Let me let you in on something: I don’t like gay movies. Gay-themed movies are heavy-handed, angsty and loaded with all of the cliche trappings of gay life that “Queer as Folk” would have you believe are a daily occurrence for us. Granted, though “Queer” is basically about club-slut gym rats, it tends to make you think that there is nothing more to a gay man’s life than that.

The best thing about “Brokeback” is how commonplace it seems. Two guys almost accidentally fall in love with each other; a love that is so powerful, it becomes as big and immovable as the mountain that is the scene of their regular trysts. They are damaged goods. Not because either of them has AIDS or because one of them is a huge flamer and the other one isn’t, not because one of them is out to his family and the other isn’t not because the town has found them out and there is a lynch mob after them. They are damaged goods because of shitty parents and a completely unsupportive environment. Two things that almost everyone can relate to immediately. They are also their own worst enemies. In the end, their own circumstances and the self-made prison they are in is the only thing that can keep them apart.

The performances by the leads are simply some of the best I have ever seen. I think part of what was so moving to me is that it was obvious that Ledger and Gyllenhaal threw themselves into their roles without hesitation, and they both give the performances of their lives. Colin Covert of the Star Tribune said it best: “They are practically inside-out” their inner turmoil is so apparent. Ledger’s barely audible, growly portrayal of Ennis is certainly one of the finest achievements by an actor that I have ever witnessed. His performance is so good, it’s scary. I always measure an acting performance by trying to picture another character that person played while I am watching them. Not even possible in this one. Ledger is Ennis. No doubt about it.

The direction and cinematography were also some of the best I have ever seen. There were a handful of camera shots that absolutely took my breath away, and they weren’t scenery shots, either. After all that time in Filmmaking classes I know a thing or two about good composition.

The best part of the film is that AT LAST something feels incredibly universal about it. Gay movies tend to wink and nod at the gay audience ONLY and it sucks to be exclusionary like that. “Brokeback” plays on universal themes. Everyone has felt loss before, and the loss and the longing of the two characters is so palpable it’s impossible not to be drawn into it, no matter who you are or how you feel. I defy any straight guy out there who truly commits to watching this film not to be moved by it. The bridge to tolerance and acceptance is built by pointing out that we really aren't that different after all. It's not by insulting audiences and cramming the issue down their throats.

The last few moments, and the last line of the film are like being socked in the gut. I seriously felt like I would not be able to walk out of the theater after that. And I stayed seated for longer than I normally do.

When at last I got up I remember thinking that I felt like I had just seen something truly revolutionary. A movie that let two men in love be just that: TWO MEN IN LOVE and never once fell into the exclusionary trappings of the genre, in fact, this movie kicks the door wide open for everyone to enter and lets you truly feel what these fellow human beings are feeling, then dares you not to be moved by their story.