2 Exciting New Euphemisms For "Gay"

1. Enthusiastic
Overheard on an elevator: "Yeah, my nephew's coming to town. He's a bit [insert limp-wristed pantomime here] enthusiastic."

2. Neat
"Mark at my work is neat, for a man..." [wink-wink]

Not sure if these replace my current hilariously passive-aggressive favorite "like that".
"Oh. I didn't know he was like that..."

The Top REVISED

Weak!! I knew this might happen. To be fair, I just saw two incredible 2005 movies and I have to amend my list to reflect them.

TOP 5 OF 2005

1. Brokeback Mountain Technically, they are gay ranch hands, people. Get it right!

2. Crash Again, just fucking see it. You know who you are.

3.Mysterious Skin Such a disturbing movie that I can't, in good conscience, recommend it to anyone. The acting, especially by the two leads (who knew Joseph Gordon-Levitt could ACT?!!) is superb, the direction flawless, the script (from Scott Heim's novel) is on-point. This is also Gregg Araki's best film by far. The film is about the damage that sexual abuse can do and how it manifests itself completely differently in two young men. One can't remember, the other can't forget. It is powerful and haunting, but also very graphic and disturbing. I was speechless by the end.

4. Capote

5. Murderball This film about rough and tumble Parapalegic Rugby Players is eye-opening and very moving. It's about people who wouldn't let their disability get in the way of their lives. You've never seen handicapped people like this. My favorite quote was: "I go up to people and start talkin shit and say 'What? You're not gonna hit a kid in a chair? I'll fuckin hit ya back...'"

* Sin City and Batman Begins are now Honorable Mention

Top and Bottom 5 of 2005

I saw a lot of movies this year. I wanted to wrap things up by listing the best and worst ones I saw. Bear in mind there are some I regrettably missed like "Squid and the Whale", "Munich" and "History of Violence".

THE BEST

1. Brokeback Mountain The best movie I have seen in a very long long time. It hit me like a freight train and I still haven't recovered. Beautiful cinematography, excellent acting by EVERYONE but most notably Heath Ledger, and such a rich, multi-layered story it stood up to 4 viewings. Best movie by a mile. All of these others pale in comparison. I'm glad it's doing as well as it is, but I wouldn't care if I was the only person on the planet that liked it. This movie was simply one of 3 absolutely unforgettable movie experiences of all time for me. It is a revelation to me personally and to the art of film-making as a whole. A movie about a love so deep it can only exist against a breathtaking backdrop. Nothing less than a magnificent landmark and hopefully, the beginning of a drastic change in Hollywood.

2. Crash Such a wonderful surprise. A movie that makes you feel a certain way about a character by giving you a little bit of information, then totally changes your mind by giving you more. Very well-acted by an ensemble cast (especially by Matt Dillon and Sandra Bullock) beautifully-directed and incredibly thought-provoking. It's one of those post-9/11 films that REMINDS you it's post-9/11. I think this does what "Love, Actually" did for people, just in a different way. Just see it. You'll be glad you did.

3. Capote Very good film. Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to give Heath a run for his money. The kind of movie you want to talk about when it's over. Very thought-provoking and a glimpse inside the life of an enigmatic public figure.

4. Sin City The first good movie this year after a lot of crap. Robert Rodriguez is my new favorite film geek (Sorry Quentin Tarantino and Peter Jackson). It doesn't hurt that Rodriguez if "Fuckin hot!" as my friend Math-girl said so eloquently. This movie is so much fun. Such a feast for the eyes and the brain. Can't wait to see what happens next in the series. Plus, Clive Owen looks really yummy in black and white.

5. Batman Begins FINALLY a well-written, well-acted superhero movie that lets the hero be human and gives motivations for his actions. It also didn't rely on the star of the week to give it that extra push, hence very good acting.

Honorable mention:

Grizzly Man

North Country

War of the Worlds

Land of the Dead

Zathura

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Chronicles of Narnia

King Kong

40 Year Old Virgin

THE WORST

in no particular order:

1. High Tension What an absolute piece of SHIT! Movies can be bad, but then there are unofficial book adaptations (I read Dean Koontz's "Intensity") that have nasty homophobic "twist" endings like this piece of shit. I was angry at the world when I left this one.

2. The Ring 2 I almost fell asleep three times in movies this year. This was the first time. It is not necessary to explain everything that was scary about the original away. Completely unnecessary rehash to cash in ala "Blair Witch 2".

3. Robots Boring, lame and completely forgettable. In fact, it took me awhile to remember if I had even seen this one.

4. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory This piece of shit reeked to high heaven. It was the usual Burton fare; a lot of hype and nothing but an empty, cold feeling at the end. The man has a grasp on visuals, he needs to work on character development immediately. It wasn't creepy enough, Johnny Depp was just weird and the effects were unsatisfactory. I'm not someone who is totally sucking the dick of the original either, so I'm not swayed in that way. This just plain DID NOT WORK for me. His "Corpse Bride" was far superior. I think he should stick to animation.

5. The Exorcism of Emily Rose Such a stupid waste of time. This was the second time I almost fell asleep in a theater this year. This movie is the very definition of manufactured tension. The whole "true" story that isn't really true thing is getting grating. And who the hell would perform an exorcism in a barn in a thunderstorm amid a bunch of stampeding horses?!